who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
