I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
