Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
