I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
