either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
