dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
