Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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