i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
