Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
