My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
