i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
