I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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