i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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