i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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