I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
