My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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