didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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