She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
