Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
