just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
