i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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