Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
