dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
