I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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