The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My cat gives me a boner
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
