Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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