Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
