ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
