She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
