Soap is not a condiment
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
