I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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