My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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