i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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