the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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