how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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