im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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