Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
