i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
