i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
