the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
