i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
