Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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