I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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