My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
