Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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