She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
