You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
