have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
