Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
