Got a toothbrush?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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