I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
