He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We left the knife in your bed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
